My man is a stay at home Daddy. This is a growing trend in the modern age. Many women have more lucrative careers than their husbands, or perhaps even more tenuous ones, where they could not recover from the “baby gap” if they chose to stay home. So Dad decides to stay home, and experience what homemaking is really all about.
Let me tell you about my man.
He walked back into my life, after a long separation, to find me fully equipped with two little girls. A toddler and an infant, they had just emerged from the poor relationship I had with their biological father, and were not ready for any more emotional upheaval. He dove in head first, and loved them unequivocally and without question. He nurtured their bodies and minds from day one, teaching them to use their imaginations and explore the world around them. In short, he is the greatest possible parent they could ever have, and at times I even doubt my parenting skills when compared to how wonderful he is with them.
But doesn’t everyone say that about their beloved?
The one thing that our children needed (and still do) in their lives is stability. Before Daddy came into the picture, life was hard. I worked outside the home and also did all the housekeeping. There were few moments when I could truly enjoy the blessings of my children’s creativity. I did everything I could to further their intellectual development, but I was grasping at straws, and felt as though if I missed one step, the entire world would fall apart. I was a nervous wreck, afraid for their future, and lashing out whenever anything would not go my way.
When Daddy arrived, he filled the void in all our lives. He took over a great deal of the chores, relieving much of the weight on my shoulders. He actively helped me with household decision making, so I wouldn’t have to do it all on my own. He gave the kids the chance to play and grow in a comfortable environment, without fear and constant yelling. He taught them right from wrong, and how to be themselves. He brought an element of stability to our family, a platform where we could finally move forward from the unstable past.
Although my man is an excellent stay at home Daddy, it was not a career or financial decision that placed him in that role. He has physical and emotional limitations that do not allow him to hold a traditional job. He is a type 1 diabetic who has had many difficulties keeping his blood sugars under control, and many complications as a result. These complications, coupled with social anxiety and necessary absenteeism from work, make him unable to hold a 9 to 5 job. So he quite naturally fell into the homemaker role, which I am completely comfortable with. He is excellent at his task, and I have a personality more suited to the working world.
This situation is difficult for most people to understand. Even though roles are reversing, many people hold more traditional views of family life. They do not understand why I choose to work, and let him stay home. Some think he is simply lazy, and should go get a job, despite his limitations. I do not place such demands on him. If his condition improves to where he could get a job, then it would be his decision to do so, not mine. Only he would know if he was actually capable of handling the demands that work requires. Others think that he is putting too much pressure on me, as the sole breadwinner. On the contrary, he has helped me emotionally on so many levels that I am in a far better situation now than I have ever been. If he were not at home taking care of the kids, I would have so much more to worry about.
Often the question comes up in casual conversation, “So what does your man do?” It is tempting to fabricate a response, just to avoid the questions and confusion often resulting from the “He’s a stay at home Daddy” answer. But it is far more rewarding to tell them the truth, which is he takes care of our girls, and is an aspiring computer geek. (That part is true. He is learning a lot about programming and graphics design, although not through online courses. He’s a self-taught man.) People often do not understand, but their approval really doesn’t matter. That is the great part of the family revolution: what works for our house may not work for yours, and that’s okay. We are doing what it takes to make things work, and raising two amazing children in the process. You don’t have to understand it, just accept it.
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